My Life As A Geek | Geek World Order

MLAG: Issue 10: The Muppets v. FOX News

Dec 082011

Issue 10: The Muppets v. FOX News

“I understand your lopsided political agendas. I do. And I understand a lot of things about your network and company and it’s fine for people to have their own opinions and to voice them, especially when they’re backed up by facts. Whether those facts are actual hard evidence facts that, in turn, are backed up by actual physical research or if those facts are hammered out by an army of chimpanzees on type writers taking large doses of opiates and other such drugs is irrelevant.

But recently your company targeted and attacked The Muppets for playing host to “an evil billionaire oil tycoon” as the movies villain and “brain washing children” into having a liberal agenda. Pardon me for being a bit brash and abrasive with my next question, but, did everyone’s skull cave in at the same time over there? I mean, that’s the only reason I can see for a nationally revered 24 Hour news network to play host to such claims. There’s actual news happening in the world. There is. I speak for many an American person when I say this, get your heads OUT of your asses.

The Muppets only want a couple of things, to love, be loved, and to give the world the third greatest gift. And yet, here you stand, pitchforks in hand ready to make wildly absurd claims about The Muppets introducing class warfare into a child’s mind. It’s absolutely disgusting that someone could find that inside of a movie as pure and innocent and beautiful as The Muppets. And then compare it something like Syriana. WHAT?! WHAT?!

You’ve done nothing but prove to the world, in around about 3 and a half minutes that your sole purpose in your abysmal existence is to destroy EVERYTHING that is wonderful and amazing and beautiful about this world and it’s people and it’s entertainment. You disgust me, FOX News. You disgust me.

Mahna Mahna.”

This was my personal reply to the Fox Network after they aired the following 7 minutes of “news”

http://mediamatters.org/mmtv/201112020036 — You’ll have to click to view.

That’s all I can really say on the matter. I’m completely aghast at how willing they were to throw an american institution as wholesome as The Muppets completely under the “dirty liberal communists!” bus. I really want to see people standing up against this.

Join me and fight. Or send a strongly worded letter.

MLAG: Issue #9: Selling Out

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Oct 212011

Issue #9: Selling Out

By Ryan MacDonald

I need to have words on this phrase and I need to do it now. Since the game Munchkin found it’s way into my hands some months ago I’ve been an avid fan. I frequent the forums, offer help when I can and a misguided opinion more often than most. Anyway, there was a not-so-recent announcement and more recent upcoming release of Munchkin’s second ever licensed product. Munchkin Axe Cop. If you know nothing about Axe Cop all you need to know is that it’s a web comic done in a page by page style created by a 7 year old and illustrated and brought to the masses by his 31-year old brother. The comic has a massive following and has recently seen success in print. Thus breaking it from the doom of being a web comic forever. Well, attention begets attention and it caught the eye of Steve Jackson and I guess he had a great time making it because now the next licensed products from SJ Games are on their way out. And the boards are A FLAME with people screaming “Sell Out!”

Now, this is nothing new to me. I went through high school slightly ahead of the pack as far as discovering music goes. I’d hear something, 3 months later everyone I knew would be jumping on board with it, and 3 more months later you couldn’t turn on the radio without hearing them. And, of course, wherever I looked I heard the ever vigilant call of “SELL OUT!!!” It’s a term disgustingly mishandled by the youth. Recording contracts don’t make bands sell outs. Turning their backs on their fans doesn’t even make someone a sell out.

A sell out is, in MY personal edition of the dictionary where words and phrases mean what I say they mean, someone who’s changed who they are, what they’re about and what they believe in and the way they do something for a paycheck. In the case of bands, a lot of them started playing for the music, no one started playing music for money, because if they started playing for money they wouldn’t have made it very far to begin with. It takes a lot of begging for gigs and getting stiffed on pay days to see a full check come in with your name on it.

The same goes for SJ Games, which is what I’m writing this in regards to. I’m pretty sure Steve Jackson didn’t start up this gaming company because there was going to be money in it. I think they’re still climbing the ladder to commercial success. And licensing a creative property to base a card game on causes fans to scream and rant and rave and burn hotter than the fires of Mordor? That’s kind of ridiculous.

The fact is, we do things because we love doing them. If there’s money to made doing it, great! The first thought is “I never thought I’d be able to make money doing what I love.” So the next time you think about slinging the term “Sell out” in the direction of anyone, consider this;

Would you do something you loved to do if you could make money doing it? OF COURSE YOU WOULD!

MLAG: Issue #8: Steve Jobs

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Oct 072011

Issue #8: Steve Jobs

By Ryan MacDonald

At first you probably didn’t realize it, but if you sit and think about it Steve Jobs has had a hand in more facets of everyone’s life than most would care to admit. And it’s more than computers and phones. It’s the way we live and go about our days with those devices. He made it all possible for us to take every single one of our favorite things everywhere with us in our pockets. And while it may just be a sci-fi trope to joke about things being “bigger on the inside” with the products that Jobs helped to create he made that trope real in a sense. Everything we love at the tap, swipe, and stretch of our fingers.

And it’s not just personal technologies. He had a hand in revolutionizing animation, too. If it wasn’t for Steve Jobs we wouldn’t have Pixar, it’d just be another company still fledgling under the umbrella of Lucasfilm. Don’t get me wrong, THX became a standard of audio quality in cinema, but I have this feeling that if Steve Jobs didn’t buy it back when he did they’d be making digital chop suey out of Star Wars films to this day with the remains of the company. But, alas, Jobs stepped in and created a brand new power house of animation and had a hand in creating movies that swept more than just awards shows.

People die, Celebrities come and go, and it may not weigh heavily on you, or maybe it does. I know that, while it didn’t affect a lot of people, I was genuinely saddened by the passing of Pat Morita. But that’s me. Anyway, if you think the passing of Steve Jobs has no weight in your life, you need to look around you and see everything that he made possible for you to have in your life.

April 24, 1955 – October 5, 2011

Off My Mind #2: Kick-Ass 2 (Spoilers Ahead)

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Sep 302011

Off My Mind #2: Kick-Ass 2 (Spoilers Ahead)

By Ryan MacDonald

I like Mark Millar’s books. I really do. But something just occured in Kick Ass 2 #4 that really doesn’t sit well with me and is probably going to shut my girlfriend off to Kick Ass entirely.

Kick Ass #1, when it came out, was the first comic book I’d bought in years. And I was pretty swept up in it. It was, what I thought was, edgy and oozed cool from every page. And the movie came out and was great and then Mark Millar put out Nemesis to completion, which was awesome. And is about to finish up Superior with a double release in October. Now, Nemesis, admittedly was fucked up. It tiptoed on a lot of lines that made you sort of question if Millar is on the same plane of sanity as some of us.

Enter Kick-Ass 2. Everything has been really good up until today’s new issue. The Motherfucker , formerly Red Mist, murders a bunch of kids, breaks into an innocent character’s house, kills her parents, and starts a gang rape of the character. Now, I cheered for Nemesis through each issue. And in the last story line, I liked Red Mist. I legitimately liked him. And if this was a way to completely turn the readership to HATING him, I think congratulations are in order.

I honestly hope in the coming issues, The Motherfucker gets impaled on rusty rail road spikes.

MLAG: Off My Mind #1: The Doctor is a Ganger!

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Sep 262011

Off My Mind #1: The Doctor is a Ganger!

By Ryan MacDonald

I’ve been on kind of a Doctor Who kick for a while now, and it’ll come to a head soon enough, but for now, it’s my blog and post what I bloody well please!

Before I continue, this is pure speculation. I was at Heroes Landing talking to a friend and he laid upon me a mind blowing theory about how the entire Death of the Doctor is going to play out. And after thinking about it some and taking some things into consideration this is what I’ve put together.

We’ve been watching the adventures of Two Doctors, probably since The Impossible Astronaut. Consider this, the point where Amy is knocked unconscious we know now is when she’s switched with her Ganger and taken away to the future to give birth to Melody Pond. But what if that’s not all that happened? Isn’t it entirely possible that perhaps, somewhere along the lines The Doctor switched places with his ganger?

I know what you’re thinking, “The ganger exploded into a puddle in The Rebel Flesh!” But there were two lines spoken that suggest otherwise. First, when the Ganger Doctor says he’s going to die if he stays, The Doctor responds “But this one, we’re not invited to.” Second, The Doctor tells The Ganger Doctor that he can survive this, at least his metaphysical self can. That said, when it’s all over, and the ganger goes pop, that puddle will have the ability to regenerate.

I think I’ve pinpointed the actual switch in doing a little research for this post. In the episode The Curse of the Black Spot, which was supposed to air in this half of the season, not when it did, The Doctor’s bow tie changes color several times, from red, which is what he sported throughout season 5, to blue, which is what he’s wearing in the first episode we realize there are two doctors (The Impossible Astronaut) and in the creation of the ganger (The Almost People/The Rebel Flesh).

All the clues are right in front of our eyes. The switching bow ties. The rubik’s cube. In Night Terrors when The Doctor is talking to George, he picks up a Rubik’s cube, twists it about and says that he hates them and could never figure them out, this Doctor is sporting a red bowtie. In The God Complex, we see the blue bowtie and we see The Doctor not only HAVE a Rubik’s cube, but solve it AND eat an apple. When the Doctor first regenerated he went to have an apple and he hated it.

This on top of quotes like “We’re all together, back in the flesh“. And once again switching costumes is all adding up to one thing.

There’s not only two doctor’s, at one point in this storyline there are three and I think the real, actual, Doctor is stowing away in his own TARDIS. The doctor gets a ganger copy of himself and occasionally switches places with him throughout the story, actually, pending another viewing of The Curse of the Black Spot, I’m going to say every time he goes back to the TARDIS for something they switch.

So in The Almost People/The Rebel Flesh the ganger creates a ganger of himself and that’s the one left to pop at the end of the episode. The ganger reboards the TARDIS and we still have two doctors. Let’s skip ahead to Let’s Kill Hitler. Melody Pond, before adopting the name River Song, poisons the ganger doctor, he uses his time to get to the TARDIS and send out the invitations to meet in Utah so everyone can see his death to spark these events into happening. He also, switches places once again, with the real doctor.

What it’s all going to boil down to, is that The Doctor who dies isn’t THE Doctor, he’s a copy that shouldn’t exist. I have a feeling Saturday’s episode is going to reveal more than we could hope for and leave us with a stunning season finale the weekend following.

That’s a lot to take in, and for the headache I can only do one thing….

MLAG: Checking In, Updating, Reminding, Reinvigorating, Promoting

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Sep 232011

Checking In, Updating, Reminding, Reinvigorating, Promoting

By Ryan MacDonald

Been a while since I talked on here about Spread The Nerd. Currently, we’ve got two comics care packages out there. One in South Florida, one in North Florida. Both have done their job and should be on their way to their next stops soon. There’s the current map below.
View Spread The Nerd in a larger map

-Taking a break from hash tagging #spreadthenerd on twitter just to let others do it, just a week. I search #spreadthenerd a few times daily and am happy to see others doing it consistently. Some have even added it to the end of their Follow Friday tweets. Someone else has adopted it as his own thing to promote his music video, and the TV series Chuck uses it to promote the upcoming season 5. Oh well, I haven’t been sued yet.

- Happy to report that there is a steady stream of views to this blog since starting Spread The Nerd. Granted it’s about 11 a day or so, and they’re all from searches for DCs New 52, sometimes title and character specific. Regardless, views is views and I’ll get more of them after I review this week’s batch of new titles.

-Just a Couple of G’s just did a three hour episode where they reviewed 27 new titles. That’s insane. Head over to where the link is pointed and give them a listen, they’re spoiler heavy but they have a way about discussing titles that is pretty awesome it’s a lot more than just “I liked it, it was good, this is what happened.” And they call artists and writers out on their BS if they need to. Good times.

-Friends, fans, anyone: My girlfriend is running a Munchkin Demo/Launch Party to celebrate the release of Munchkin Axe Cop next month (Oct 22nd) at Heroes Landing in Clermont. Come on out and chop some heads off. Or, find me and we’ll break out the Doctor Who-infused Star Munchkin deck and give that a whirl. Speaking of…

-I’d put my progress on the new Doctor Who deck at about 80% finished. I’ve got about 24 or 25 cards completely done and my revisions to the previous deck are done too. I’ll just need to print and stick those next. I still have another 3 to find art for and another 5-7 to write. I’ll get another Munchkin Custom Card Project Update up today or tonight with pictures, as that seemed to be quite popular.

-Last, but not least, if you head over to Geek World Order you’ll find in the blog section, not only, are my Issues here reposted, but I’m also writing exclusives for them as well.

Anyway, everyone, that’s all from me. Keep checking in here, on facebook, and twitter. Join the Spread The Nerd cause and introduce some geek into someone’s life.

The Dark Side of the Doctor

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Sep 132011

The Dark Side of The Doctor

by Ryan MacDonald

Doctor Who has been on the air on BBC for almost 50 years, and part of the reason it’s lasted this long is partially due to the ever changing faces of the show. But no matter how many regenerations he goes through one thing remains the same; as whimsical and fancy-free as he may be, there’s another side to The Doctor, a dark side, and in this past week’s episode it was definitely on display.

One of the best things this show brings to the table is a continuity that spans decades. Nothing and no one is ever forgotten. Before she passed, Elisabeth Sladen reprised her role as Sarah Jane Smith several times with David Tenant. And Davros and the Master are two villains who keep on showing up time and time again.

In the most recent episode before writing this, “The Girl Who Waited”, we’re faced with a side of The Doctor not many people particularly like. When The Doctor makes a mistake, he’s mad at himself more than anything else, and he’s so passionate about his friends and the people he loves that when his mistakes jeopardize their lives he becomes this machine of unfeeling logic. While it’s good to have this in a character when it comes to time travel, The Doctor is one character it’s just scary to see it come from. I think, because he’s seen the repercussions of his mistakes in the past echoing into his present.

During the run of episodes, Genesis of the Daleks, The Doctor is given the unique opportunity to wipe the Dalek race from existence. And he doesn’t take it. The Daleks go on to terrorize and exterminate entire planets and entire races of people. And it all rests on The Doctor’s shoulders because he thought they could be changed, that they could be different. So he doesn’t kill them and manages to escape back to The TARDIS. The question is; if you held the switch that would eliminate the Nazis would you do it? A lot of people would jump on this and answer “Yes, press the button!” without even considering the repercussions. The Doctor, however, sat there and said “What gives me the right?” and eventually threw down the charges, even after being attacked by three of the creatures he was to destroy.

This decision has left the Doctor a changed man. If he had destroyed them back then, there never would have been a Time War. Had there never been a Time War, there’d still be a Gallifrey and Time Lords. He never would have lost them while defeating The Daleks. So the weight of this decision bears heavily on his shoulders and whenever he’s now faced with, even a single, Dalek he’s instantly a different man. Even during his 9^th incarnation played by Christopher Eccleston, when he’s first faced with a Dalek, which is broken and mangled, and in chains and being tortured, he’s playing Bad Cop/Bad Cop with it. There’s no room for niceties with them, ever. Matt Smith grabs the biggest heaviest object he can find and beats the hell out of one for answers; because he feels guilty for not killing them when he had the chance.

It doesn’t end there, though. The Doctor is constantly struggling with loss, loss that could have been prevented. In the episode Doomsday, Rose Tyler is almost lost inside of a collapsing dimensional bridge, she’s saved at the last possible second by her father, but she’s trapped now in this alternate time line. In Journey’s End Donna Noble creates the Meta-Crisis 10^th Doctor from the salvaged dismembered hand of The Doctor mid-regeneration. Through this he becomes half human and she becomes half Time Lord. The transition creates an onset of vast amounts of knowledge flooding into her brain, an amount so large she can’t handle it, The Doctor is then forced to wipe all the memories of their travels together, leaving her with her parents with strict instruction to make no mention of her time with him, otherwise she could’ve die. Also, after regenerating he, then played by Colin Baker, attacked and strangled, nearly killing, his companion. This is just a few recent examples from a history of messing people up.

The man is over 900 years old. He’s been responsible for the near death of not only those close to him but millions of others unbeknownst to them as well as the entirety of his home planet. He’s been to hell and back, he’s stood in the way of death with nothing more than a screwdriver more times than anyone and he comes back every single time. He’s run off invasions with the mere sound of his voice, and fended off the galaxy’s greatest threats with not much more than a bag of jelly babies or a jammy dodger.

So, the next time you want to shrug off The Doctor keep in mind that in a fair fight, I’d put The Doctor at an advantage over The Sith, The Borg, and a handful of Cylons any day.

New episodes of Doctor Who air Saturdays at 9pm on BBC America with reruns daily at 5pm

MLAG: Issue #7: Paranormal Teen Fiction or How I Learned to Stop Fearing The Sun and SPARKLE!

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Sep 122011

Issue #7: Paranormal Teen Fiction or How I Learned to Stop Fearing The Sun and SPARKLE!

by Ryan MacDonald

For all intents and purposes I’m spending the remainder of this blog treating the states of being a vampire and werewolf as actually possible. If for any reason you do actually believe these conditions to be possible, seek professional aide.

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Will somebody tell me what all the fascination with banging monsters is? And another thing, who gave anyone the right to rewrite the core facts about vampires and werewolves? These creatures were not created to fawn over and become entranced by. Vampires don’t sparkle. They burn and, in some cases, explode. There’s nothing terrifying about sparkling. I can’t be the only person who thinks it’s absolutely retarded that this characterless female lead wants to become a vampire. Has she considered the ramifications of a decision like that, do you think?

First and foremost, unending, bitter cold. Let it be stated and known henceforth that vampires are among those which are classified as undead. Not unlike the zombies, there is no blood flow on the insides of a vampire. Thus your life is carried on in bitter, unforgiving cold because your body lacks the resources to heat internally. Secondly, you’re not going to gain super strength or super speed. You’re going to be able to turn into a bat. And chances are, if you’re a teenage girl you hate even the thought of a bat, let alone becoming one. Third, if you ever met a vampire in real life, it’s not going to be during a tantrum as you run away from home into the woods. It’s at night, in a dark place, maybe the woods. You won’t see him, you won’t know he’s following you, unless he wants you to know. Before you even know what’s happening, you’ll feel a cold touch, a bite, and you’ll be drained of blood and left there dead, to be found by search parties days later. On a side note; if you hate the new town you’ve moved to so much, why’d you go and screw up your good thing in Florida to begin with? Stop being a brat.

The fact is this; Vampires don’t want to love you. They don’t even want to know you. To them, you’re food, and that’s it. They’ve tried to love before, long ago, and they died. Sure they could “save” those they love and introduce them to a life of vampirism, but if you loved someone would you want that for them? No pulse, no warmth, unending hunger, a life of hiding in the dark and night? That’s not a life for anyone to live. That’s not living.

Finally, onto the other bastardized beast in pop culture. The werewolf. Too many mediums make light of the condition of being a werewolf. Making it seem as though the condition is one of choice and can be turned on and off at any time. The entire idea of a werewolf is one of absolute tragedy. It’s not only innocents who are afraid of the creature, but also the man who becomes it. Try to imagine for a minute your entire bone structure changing. Your skull sprouting a snout, your ribs all becoming massive, your spine elongates and curves, and you begin to sprout a tail. Your hands triple in size and your fingers not only grow, but grow claws. The same for your feet. Try to imagine about a fraction of the amount of absolute unspeakable pain that is and tell me you want to become that. Try to tell me you’d feel safe and comfortable enough to sleep with someone who becomes that. They let their guard down during the heat of the moment and you’ve got three new nice and bloody claw marks across your back, and a brand new condition to write home about every full moon.

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I don’t know if it’s that the youth doesn’t care about classic literature, or what exactly but the fact of the matter is these paranormal teen fiction writers are destroying classic monsters. Right now it’s limited to vampires and werewolves, though I’m honestly waiting for the day where Frankenstein’s Monster is written as a quiet intellectual introvert. Or a love triangle featuring a faceless, characterless teenage girl and a teen boy version of Jeckyll and Hyde!

This is going to go mostly unheard, I’m sure, but.

Kids, stop reading this drivel. You want literature featuring monsters? Read Bram Stroker’s Dracula. Read Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. Read Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde, The Invisible Man…any of them! Read for God’s sake! READ!!!!

For more views, reviews, and opinions from the geek realms, check out Ryan’s blog over at http://mylifeasag33k.wordpress.com, follow him on twitter @mynameisg33k, and don’t forget to join the Spread the Nerd effort on Facebook

The Life and Times of the Socially Awkward #3: Speak Out With Your Geek Out

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Sep 092011

by Ryan MacDonald

I know, the official week isn’t until next week, but if anyone’s got something to say about this it’s me. Speak Out With Your Geek Out is a week set aside by those morally outraged by an article written by a certain Gizmodo writer, who’s since been, reportedly, fired, about her date with a Magic The Gathering World Champion. He seemingly made no effort to make it the only topic of conversation, though she went out of her way to make it the quintessential deal breaker. It was a display which falls beneath even the most scandalous of high school publications.

Speak Out with Your Geek Out is a week set aside to stand up and talk about something you’re passionate about and to be proud and to share that with others. It’s about being positive about something and taking pride in what you do. Having started my own effort to unite us as a subculture and community with Spread the Nerd, I can’t help but latch onto this and appreciate the @#!*% out of it.

I’ve spent my entire life like this. As long as I can remember I’ve been a geek. And I’ve suffered the hardships that came with the territory, especially when I was in school. Saying this makes me feel old, but when I was in school we didn’t have the general acceptance of geekery that exists now. Eventually I owned it, wore it like a gleaming red and yellow S, or G rather, on my chest. And in doing that I solidified myself for life.

There’s a misconception about the community that I really hope to one day see wiped out, and it’s that we’re nothing more than a myopic group of hate mongers. Granted, every group has a handful that are less desirable to deal with than others. There’s nothing wrong with wanting the best for the things we put so much of ourselves and our lives into. Call it nerd rage if you must, but until you’ve invested yourself into something like we invest ourselves, you may not really understand why we “rage” like we do.

Being a geek, for me, is more than having seen Star Wars more than once, it’s more than playing a card game once or twice, it’s more than watching a particular show. Being a geek for me is being passionate about something, about all things. And I don’t want to reserve those things exclusively for myself, no, I want to share my passion for all things geek with everyone. My hobby isn’t any one geeky thing in particular, it’s all of the things!

My girlfriend and I have developed a ritual. Every Saturday we get up a little bit earlier than we’d really like to, and drive about an hour to sit in our favorite comic shop and play board and card games with each other. Anyone who comes into the store is more than welcome to join us, and we’ve even had people step up and sit in and inquire. And everyone has left us having had a great time. I’ve done everything I could want to do, spent time with my girlfriend, made new friends, and introduced them to new and exciting games they may not have given a second glance to if they’d not been invited to play. Through this charge I get from spreading the culture of geek, I’ve developed a movement of my own.

Not unlike Speak Out with Your Geek Out my effort encourages the geek community to unite and to spread our culture by any means necessary. And by any means necessary, I of course mean sending and giving comic books to random strangers. Telling your sons, daughters, nieces, and nephews superhero origin stories before bed, introducing someone to the pop culture phenomenon that is Doctor Who. I mean, really ANY means necessary and available to each and every person. With it I hope to track the travels of a single package of comics, which is being sent to South Florida this week to begin it’s mission.

There’s nothing that I love more than being a geek right now. And to pick one hobby to be passionate about is unfair to every hobby that came before and will come after it. I’ve been a geek my entire life, and I never felt more fulfilled by it then when I began sharing it with other people.

My Life As A Geek: In Regards To Mr. Lucas

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Sep 022011

By Ryan MacDonald

Every time there’s a change made to the original Star Wars trilogy it hurts. And it should because over time we’ve all treated the original trilogy as a person. Think about it, you’ve spent money on it, you’ve spent nights with it, you’ve probably even fantasized about certain parts, but I’m not judging. The point is we’re all emotionally invested in Star Wars and I get it. I get the rage and the calls for boycott, I get it. This man came into your home and got in bed with your woman. And now she’s changed and you can’t look at her the same anymore.

Plain and simple, George Lucas is a home wrecker.

I’m going to take both sides on this, however. On the side of the fans, we’ve been dealt a cascade of disappointments ever since that faceless pipe droid smacked the other droid out of the sky in the
Special Edition of A New Hope. Following that we were given the prequel trilogy and introduced to possibly the second most annoying character in film history, topped only by Jonathan Lipnicki in Jerry Maguire. There’s a list of war crimes I’ll address individually in a bit, but for now, let’s leave it at “cascade of disappointments”

On Lucas’ side of the fight, these are his movies and he can alter them as he sees fit. If we love it or hate it, we can deal with it because if we want it on DVD or Blu Ray so bad we can deal with
whatever changes Lucas wants to make. That’s the only argument I can come up with for him. Seriously, hasn’t this man ever heard of multiple releases?

Ridley Scott only put out 68 versions of Blade Runner, and most of us bought all of them. Peter Jackson and his 11,000 hour edition of Lord of the Rings. It’s not like it’s some secret that we, geeks, nerds, and the casually obsessed will buy as many versions of anything that we love en mass quantities. If there were original theatrical versions, special editions, 2nd edition directors cuts, and final end all be all ultimate versions of Star Wars available the millions upon millions of my saga-loving brethren would indeed buy each and every version available.

It’s not that hard, Han shot first, that Jabba the Hutt scene in A New Hope is the EXACT same scene the Han/Greedo exchange with the exact line delivery from Han. we liked the oil slick under the land speeder, we didn’t need a dewback, we didn’t need more Jawas, droids, or slapsticky comedy there didn’t need to be more rebel fighters in The Battle of Yavin. There really didn’t, it means something SO much more when a small renegade group of freedom fighters goes up against the big bad with so few numbers and wins. And that’s not even half of what was wrong with the special edition of A New Hope.

George Lucas did one thing right. He put out the theatrical editions of the original trilogy on DVD so that we’d have them for when he really went and botched things up. I stand by my sentiment that a sound effect and a line aren’t much to get all ragey about. If you think about it, Vader needs as many speaking parts as possible. Being that he has no face to emote with, we have no way of REALLY knowing what’s going on in his head while the Emporer fries his son in front of him. I know the argument that his body language says everything, but it really doesn’t. He stands there and looks as though he’s zoned out wondering if he left the gas on. Then suddenly, decides that there’s no way he could have natural gas in space, picks up a crusty old man and throws him down an poorly placed chasm in the middle of a throne room. Some of the other changes I feel similarly about. Replacing the puppet Yoda with a CG one in Phantom Menace I get. Even when I was 15 and naive I thought the puppet Yoda looked bad. Making him CG in Phantom Menace makes sense as he’s CG in Episodes 2 and 3 as well. Giving Ewoks eyelids, I get that, there’s a clip on YouTube of
Wicket meeting Leia and eating the cookie she gives him and the blinking was off-putting at first, but you’ve gotta realize these are living creatures and if they don’t blink they’re eyes will get dry and
I don’t think Ewoks have established a CVS on Endor yet.

Backing off the defense here and getting mad about something, I did finally listen to that “sound effect” change. Obi-Wan’s Krayt Dragon call as he approaches the sand people who are ransacking the landspeeder and I have to say, that it’s awful. What was wrong with the siren-like noise he made originally? Maybe it was destroyed over time and couldn’t be salvaged. Maybe someone thought the Jackovasaur from South Park was a much better model to design a wooping call after.

Look, everyone, put down your pitchforks and stop screaming blasphemy in regards to these changes, it’s completely unbecoming of us as civilized geeks. Lucas’ crimes are great and he’s yet to answer for any of them, he still has Greedo shooting first in the Cantina. But the fact of the matter is, this is all we’re going to get. No amount of any of you boycotting the release of the blu-rays with these changes is going to stop it from shipping. It’s all we’re getting, for a long time. Shell out your 90 dollars and enjoy Star Wars in glorious 1080p. Besides, if you’re any kind of fan you own the
theatrical releases on DVD and VHS.

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